The Fiction We Live
by laceylove
Summary: Bella's life changes dramatically after the death of her mother and she is forced to move to Forks. Will Jasper make life bearable again? Or will he bring joy back into her life?
1. Autumn's Monologue

_Could my life get any worse? _I had been inside my head all day, so that Charlie wouldn't attempt to make conversation. Or worse, ask questions. I moved to the rainy, miserable town of Forks, Washington six months ago after my mother and stepfather were killed in a car accident. So here I was living with my father, attempting to survive the ridiculousness of my senior year of high school.

At first it had been ok here; I just floated my way through class and daydreamed of disappearing. It's not that I wanted to run away but rather I just wanted to stop existing. I didn't want to die, although, for a while that seemed like a good option. And here we are once again where death seems to be a good option.

It seems that Charlie kept the death of my mother fairly quiet, only my headmaster and school counsellor know about it. So that left me as the weird, quiet girl and therefore a target for bullies. Namely; Edward Cullen. He was the bane of my teenage existence. True, he is extremely good looking, charming and intelligent, but he has a dark side. He torments me no end. It's not that he says anything to me, other than snidely offering for me to sit with his friends. It's that he will pull my seat out from under me, put my books on top of the lockers so that I can't reach them, knock things out of my hands.

He generally makes my life a living hell, I dread going to school. It makes it worse that I have to see the school counsellor every Tuesday and Thursday. This apparently makes me a head case, and his pack of skanks tease me mercilessly. Even worse, I have a crush on his best friend. Jasper Whitlock. If Edward ever found that out it would probably be the best news he ever heard, another thing to ridicule me about.

Jasper is the reason I am at home with Charlie rather than in English as I ought to be. Edward had been teasing me about my new tennis shoes. Charlie bought them for me because they were plain white and had encouraged me to decorate them. I drew stars and skulls, broken hearts, clouds and lightning. I thought they were ok, nothing as good as what you would buy in a store, but Cullen thought it was 'cute'. Then he noticed the gravestone. I had only written RIP, but he kept on it, guessing who had died. My pet rabbit? Maybe I killed my boyfriend? Or did I just want to die? Was I so shit at life that I had planned my death?

This pushed me over the edge. I had been silently crying when he first pointed it out to everyone, then as he listed all the possibilities it got worse and worse. I silently prayed that he would not guess correctly, then as he suggested that it was my gravestone I lost it. I ran out of biology swiping at my eyes. I had every intention of going to the counsellor, if only to sit in her office and cry. But I saw a compass on the floor near the girls' bathroom. I stopped running, I could hear someone calling out behind me but I had a new mission.

I quickly grabbed the compass and ran into the bathroom and locked myself into a stall. I pulled back the sleeve of my jumper and lightly ran the tip over my wrist. A thin white line appeared for a moment before it disappeared. I heard someone enter the first door of the bathroom. I ran the tip across my wrist again, this time harder. An angry red line formed and blood began to run down my hand.

"Bella?" That sounded like Jasper. He was opening the second door. "Bella, are you ok? Come out." He sounded worried. _I wonder why?_

I ran the compass across my wrist again, this time a little below the first cut. I smiled as I thought to myself. _Maybe I'll prove Cullen right and kill myself now._ The feeling of control was like euphoria.

"Bella?" A drop of blood ran off my hand and landed on the tiles between my feet and the offending shoes. Jaspers hair poked under the door. Fuck. "Bella, what the hell! I'm coming in."

_Why is he in here?_ I grabbed some tissue paper and held it to my wrist. I pressed my wrist against my side and opened the door. I don't know how Jasper assumed he would get in. I pulled my wrist behind my back and made sure that the tissue paper was still pressed tight against the wound. The euphoric feeling was fading. Now I just felt ill.

"Bella, where did the blood come from?" Jasper looked really worried. His eyebrows were pulled together and his eyes were searching my face. I didn't reply, I just admired his face. His beautiful blue eyes, they were piercing, like they could see right into your heart. His blonde, shaggy hair was messed up due to his habit of rubbing his hands through it.

"Show me." He held out his hands. I looked at them and sighed, I knew he wouldn't give up. I put my wrist into his hand and as my bare skin made contact with his palm I felt a shock run all the way up my arm. I looked up at his face but he was staring at my wrist, I glanced down at it. I suppose it did look pretty bad, but only because the towel was drenched. The cuts really weren't that bad.

"Bella." There was so much sorrow in the one word. I'd never heard anyone sound so sad, except possibly me, the first time I spoke to the school counsellor about my mum. He lifted his other hand and it hovered over the tissue paper. We were both staring at my wrist. He finally removed the tissue from my wrist, he sighed and I could hear the sadness and pity in that noise. I felt sick to my stomach at that. _Pity?_

He gently pulled my out into the first room to one of the sinks. He turned the cold tap on and turned it down to a gentle stream and pulled my wrist under it. I sucked in a breath at the sting of water on my wound. It quickly washed the blood away but he continued to run the water over it, I glanced up at his face.

"It'll help to slow the bleeding," he explained in a patient tone. He stared at my face a couple moments before reaching over and grabbing some more towelling. He shut of the water and dabbed at my wrist. He suddenly stopped and leaned in to look more intensely at my forearm, he had noticed my scars. He leaned back and ran his thumb over an older one.

"I... "He seemed lost. So I patted his shoulder.

"It's ok. I'll go to the nurse now." I took the tissue paper from him and pressed it to my wrist and began to walk out. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. Again a little current of electricity ran through me. I felt light headed.

"I'll walk you, you look like you're about to pass out." I nodded and he walked by my side as we exited the bathroom.

The last thing I remember before I woke up in emergency was feeling lighter than air, and my foot being unable to reach the ground, then I began to fall and then it all went black.

After Charlie and i returned home, he held me in his arms for a while and whispered to me that he didn't realise, he was sorry. I told him it wasn't his fault. He then decided on the sleeping arrangements. As i'm not allowed to be anywhere alone i would sleep on the couch and Charlie would sleep on a mattress on the floor. I would be visiting Mrs. Peters each morning at ten sharp.

Charlie sat in the living room watching a game while I sat in plain view reading The Crucible. Just as I was coming to the end I heard a knock on the front door. I waited while Charlie answered the door, but he didn't immediately let the person enter and I wondered what the holdup was. That is, until Jasper Whitlock walked into my kitchen.


	2. The Fiction We Live

I looked at Bella. Her face was full of surprise and confusion. I took in her whole appearance; her hair falling around her face, her pale complexion, the bandages poking out of the sleeves of her sweater, her extremely thin frame. I was so worried about her. Edward had been teasing her since she had started at Forks High, pushing her closer to this it seemed. But the scars on her arms suggested otherwise. I couldn't believe that Edward had caused her to reach these extremes. Bella seemed so strong; it never looked as if Edward's scathing words affected her.

I had followed Bella today because I could not deal with the guilt I felt at her suffering. I knew that Edward hurt her; he knew just the things to say to cut people. I had wanted to comfort her, apologise, and tell him to stop. Enough was enough. I couldn't bear to think of anyone hurting if I could stop the suffering.

I looked into her deep, brown eyes. "Hi," _Wow, eloquent or what, Whitlock?_ I shifted my weight nervously.

"Hi."She looked nervous as well. It seemed odd that I had seen her in such an intimate and compromising situation, and yet I was nervous to speak to her. I glanced around the small kitchen in an attempt to give myself time to think of something to say.

"I just wanted to check in on you." I sounded like an idiot. I quickly changed tact. "And to apologise." I glanced down at my sneakers then back to her face. She looked confused again.

"Apologise for what, Jasper?" She sounded so weak; Dr. Cullen had said that she lost some blood. Maybe that was why she was so pale. She gestured for me to take a seat.

"For not stopping Edward. Not doing anything to stop him is as bad as doing it myself." I was ashamed that I hadn't said anything earlier, to Bella, or Edward.

"Jasper, I don't blame you. It's fine. You have nothing to feel guilty about." She got up and started moving things around the kitchen. I think it was a hint for me to leave.

"Well, I was wondering... "I sounded so stupid. She'd say no. I knew she would. "Would you like to come to Port Angeles tonight and see a movie?" She looked a little shocked. "Oh, I was gunna go by myself. But I thought, well, it might cheer you up. It's just Terminator. You know the new one?" I realised I was babbling and just shut up.

"I... well. I don't know. I'm supposed to..." She glanced behind me as Chief Swan walked in.

"She'd love to go. You seem responsible. I know you won't let Bella get hurt." I cringed at the meaning of his words. Charlie looked meaningfully at Bella. "Why don't you go upstairs and get ready? Jasper will be waiting for you."

Bella glanced at both of us before rushing up the stairs. I slowly looked over at Charlie. He sighed and sat down next to me. "Jasper thanks for earlier today, and for this. She needs a friend. What with the death of... Oh. Well, she just needs a friend." Charlie blushed when he realised he'd almost given away more than he meant to. "She might want to talk about some things. I don't know. But please, if she does, don't brush her off. If it's too heavy for you, tell her that she should see someone."

"Okay, sir." I had no idea what he was talking about. But I could connect the gravestone she had drawn on her shoes and it was starting to come together.

"Sorry, I'm babbling. Just make sure she's home by ten at the latest." He stood and clapped his hand on my shoulder before heading back into the living room. I heard the stair creak and looked up to see Bella descending them. She has straightened her hair so it hung dead straight around her oval face. She'd lightly dusted on some make up; it covered the dark marks under her eyes. She had on a tight purple cardigan with a grey tank top beneath, black drainpipes and a black messenger bag.

She looked beautiful.


	3. Right As Rain

We sat in Jasper's dad's truck, and being a truck it had a small cabin. It was odd to sit in such close proximity to Jasper. Previous to today I had only ever seen him give me a slight smile, or wave every now and then. I had no idea what to say to him.

_"Hey Jasper, I'm sorry I cut myself today but my mum died and I can't handle it. Eddie pushed me over the edge." Hmm, somehow I don't think I'll be saying anything like that to him. _I looked over to him, he looked so calm all of the time. Well, maybe not all the time. His blue eyes were focused on the road ahead of him, one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the gear stick, right next to my knee. He was wearing a grey button up shirt, he'd rolled the sleeves up and i could his muscled forearms. Jasper was, in my opinion, far more attractive than Edward. But he always seemed to be overlooked by the female population.

I was wondering why i had never noticed Jasper with a girlfriend when he glanced over and caught me staring. I blushed furiously and quickly looked away. I stared straight ahead until i heard Jasper chuckle. I swung my head around ready to yell at him for laughing at me.

"No need to be embarrassed, i'd probably stare if i wasn't driving." I blushed again at his confession. _He thought i was pretty? No, _my morbid side told me_, he thinks you're a freak. _I kept my eyes on the road until we pulled into the parking lot next to the theatre.

Jasper walked by my side into the lobby and we looked up to the schedule. "What'd you wanna see?" he looked over at me. I scanned the titles.

"Marley & Me. I love Owen Wilson, he's so funny." I smiled up at Jasper, and he returned it. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me over to the counter. After picking up our supplies of popcorn and creaming soda we made our way into the theatre. There was only a few minutes until the movie started. I pulled off my cardigan so that i could put it on once we got outside.

Jasper pulled my arm into his lap. He stroked his fingers over the bandage around my wrist. He had that look of extreme sorrow on his face. "It's fine." I tried to pull my arm back. I shouldn't have taken my cardigan off.

"No, it's not. I just want to hit him." He let go of my arm and looked into my eyes. "You always seemed so strong, like he never affected you. It annoyed him no end."

"I'm not strong." I whispered my reply. I hung my head. It was true, i wasn't. I could barely function.

Jasper seemed about to say something but we got shushed because the movie started. As the lights went out Jasper grabbed my hand and held it in his. I glanced up at his face as his thumb began to trace circles on the palm of my hand. He smiled and looked toward the screen.


	4. Farewell Rocketship

I probably should have found out the plot of the movie before agreeing to see this, in Bella's current, obviously, depressed state this possibly was not the best choice of film. They were laying Marley to rest and I glanced over at Bella and was shocked to see tears rolling rapidly down her face. I squeezed her hand but she didn't move her eyes from the screen. I continued to watch her face until she let out a choked sob.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the cinema. She didn't protest until we reached my car. "No, we can't leave. You wanted to see a movie." Her voice was raspy from crying.

"No, I wanted to cheer you up. Great job I did at that." I whispered the last part to myself. I unlocked the truck and opened the door for her. She slid in and I shut the door. As I walked around to my side I ran my hands through my hair and wondered what I could do to turn this night around. I jumped into the driver's seat and an idea ran through my head.

"Hey Bella-a," I crooned, leaning my body toward her with a huge grin on my face.

She looked at my suspiciously. "Hey Jaspe-er," she mimicked. I chuckled at the apathy in her voice.

"I have an idea," she looked even more cautious now. "What's something that brings a smile to everyone's face?"

"Um... chocolate?" She wasn't playing along.

"No. Live music!" I grinned at her look of confusion. She seemed about to ask what I was on about but I just shook my head at her and turned on the car. I drove across town to a seedy little cafe.

"What's this?" She asked as I opened the door for her.

"An open mic place. Everyone's pretty shit, but I want to play something for you." She looked over at me with her mouth hanging open as we entered the place. I signed my name for the lady on the door. She glared at Bella and winked at me. I just rolled my eyes.

We sat at a table near the back and got a couple of sodas. I told her to wait while I went out the back and organised to borrow someone's acoustic guitar. As soon as I returned and sat down the mc introduced me as the next act. I smiled as Bella wished me luck.

As I walked on stage I grabbed the stool and took a seat. I smiled at the small crowd. "I'll sing you two songs tonight, I hope you like 'em." Some people perked up as they recognised the first song.

"_All the clever things I should say to you_

_They got stuck somewhere_

_Stuck between me and you_

_Oh, I'm nervous_

_I don't know what to do_

_Light a cigarette_

_I only smoke when with you_

_What the hell do I do that for?_

_You're just another guy_

_Ok you're kind of sexy_

_But you're not really special_

_But I won't mind if you take me home_

_Come on take me home_

_I won't mind if you take off all your clothes_

_Come on take em off_

_Coz I like you so much better when you're naked_

_I like me so much better when you're naked..."_

I could see Bella giggling, finally I did something right. As I ended the song there was a spattering of applause. "Thanks; this one's a little slower." As I began a really shitty version of 'I Miss You' by Incubus I glanced around the room, Bella was staring intently at me.

"_You do something to me_

_That I can't explain_

_So would I be out of line_

_If I said I miss you_

_I see your picture_

_I smell your skin_

_On the empty pillow_

_Next to mine_

_You have only been gone ten days_

_But already I'm wasting away_

_I know I'll see you again_

_Whether far or soon_

_But I need you to know_

_That I care and I miss you"_

As I ended it and stepped off the stage I glanced over at Bella again, she was gone. A frown creased my brow as I searched the room. She was seriously gone; I almost started running as I headed out the door. My eyes scanned the street as soon as I was out the door. Bella was sitting beside my truck with her knees bent up and her head in her hands, I rushed over, "Bella? What's wrong?"

"Why, Jasper? Why did she have to die?" She lifted her face and I saw those tears streaking her face again.

"What happened baby? Who?" I knelt down and pulled her into my arms. She fell apart; I got goose bumps as soon as our skin touched. She sobbed harder and I had no idea what to do, so I picked her up bridal style and put her in the truck.

By the time I got into the driver's seat Bella had calmed down. I turned to her but she wouldn't meet my eyes. "Wanna talk about it? Was my singing that bad?" She gave a half-hearted giggle. She smiled at me sadly, it broke my heart.

"My mum, she was in a car accident." She shook her head, as if she was trying to shake the memory from her mind.

I grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "Baby, I had no idea." No wonder she was so miserable all the time. _Fucking Edward._ I looked into Bella's eyes and her gaze never wavered.

"I know, Charlie didn't want people to know. It's hard enough to move to a new place, and having people look at me with pity in their eyes would have made it ten times worse." She hung her head and whispered, "I just miss her so much. Sometimes I don't know what to do."

My chest tightened and it became a little harder to breathe as tears pricked my eyes. I couldn't imagine how much pain this tiny girl had been through. She'd lost someone so close to her, been uprooted and bullied mercilessly. No wonder she'd been desperate enough to turn to self-harm. I probably would have become a raging alcoholic.

I really didn't know what to say. "_I'm really sorry that your mum died and that my best friend has been tormenting the hell out of you?" _I felt like the biggest jerk as I just sat there holding her hand and staring out the car window.

"Thanks for bringing me out here Jasper. All things considered, it was a pretty good night." I looked at her disbelievingly. She had cried so many times, how could she have had a good time?

"Right. Well, I better take you home before your dad kills me." Now I seemed like an even bigger jerk. I didn't know what the hell to say to her. I just wanted to hug her and kick the shit out of Edward. "Did you wanna talk about it, darlin'?" I glanced over at her as we pulled away from the curb.

"I talk to Mrs Peters about it." She sounded like this was reason enough to never speak of this again. This must have been what Charlie was talking about. I had promised the man, but more importantly, I wanted to be friends with Bella.

"Yeah but she has a psych degree, whereas I, am just a good listener," I smiled and turned to her. She was just staring at me with the familiar look of confusion on her face. "I want to be your friend Bella, can we be friends?"

"Friends? Ok." She seemed to relax a little bit. Then she began to speak. "About a month before I came to this hell hole it happened. My mum and stepdad, they were coming back from some minor league game. I dunno. A drunk driver hit them. It was instantaneous. I was supposed to go with them, but mum and I fought before they left." She sighed and dropped her head. For the second time tonight I could feel my chest tightening. "I keep thinking I could have been there and done something, I could have seen the other car coming." Her voice was beginning to shake. "I feel so helpless all the time." Her gaze lifted to the road ahead of us again, I knew what was coming and I gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Then I came here and met someone I would rather have lived my entire life without knowing." _Edward._"If this had happened before the... before... well, before, he wouldn't have bothered me half as much." She shook her head again. "You said you thought I was strong, I'm not. Sometimes I feel as if it's only air pressure that's keeping me from flying apart."

"You're much stronger than me; I would never be able to suffer in silence as you do. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed each morning, let alone know that I had to walk into a place where the biggest dick alive wanted to torment me all day long." I shook my head and reached for her hand. "You are strong, Bella."

I glanced over at her; she was staring at me with an odd look on her face. "You want to be my friend?"

"Of course I do, darlin'" I smiled at her.

"Even though Edward will probably kill you for it?" She seemed genuinely worried that I would lose my friendship with that dirt bag. He was lucky to have the sympathy of this amazing woman.

"Not if I kill him first," I whispered to myself. I wasn't sure if she heard it or not. "I don't care; I would choose you over him any day of the week." I smiled at her again and this time she returned it.


	5. Where The City Meets The Sea

Jasper walked me to the door even though I told him I was quite capable of managing myself. He just told me that his 'mama' had raised him to be a gentleman. I stopped as we reached the front door.

"Thanks Jasper, for everything." I smiled and went to turn and walk inside but he quickly wrapped me up in a hug. I felt like my entire body was tingling, he lifted me so my feet were no longer touching the ground.

"You're welcome." He whispered into my ear. I shivered as his lips touched my ear. He put me down and walked back to his truck, I waved and went inside. "_It was just an accident; I am just imagining all this chemistry."_ As I walked inside I looked into the lounge room, Charlie was already asleep on the floor, I sighed and went upstairs to take a shower.

I was just bunking down to go to sleep when Charlie mumbled, "Love you, Bells." I smiled into my pillow.

"Love you too, Dad." I sighed and for the first time in a long time I fell asleep straight away.

_I was standing in the middle of a highway with cars rushing by me, I felt as if I was in slow-motion. It was raining heavily, my hair hung down in clumps, water ran down my face. As I spotted Phil's truck in the distance I spun around and saw an old man, barely awake, in a little red car. I knew what I had to do. I began to run as fast as I could toward Phil's truck. I was too slow; the little red car drove past me._

_Everything slowed down as the car swerved in front of Phil's truck. The little car hit the truck and the tail end of the truck lifted into the air. I watched in horror as the little car spun away into safety. The truck rolled and landed hard on the roof. I saw my mum's face. She looked horrified, but then as she noticed me she relaxed and smiled. I screamed as her eyes closed. "Bella"_

"Bella, it's ok. It was only a nightmare." I opened my eyes and looked at Mrs Peter's gently smiling face. She handed me a glass of water. "I can get some sleeping pills for you, if you want?"

I shook my head. "No, thanks. I'm ok." It seemed like that was my catch phrase. I was so exhausted all the time, pretending to be ok.

"Okay then. Have you made any friends?" She was a lovely woman; she was good at her job. She knew when to change the subject, and when to keep on it.

"Kind of, I think." I smiled as I recalled seeing Jasper that morning. He had been waiting in the parking lot for me. He walked me to my first class then promised to see me in biology.

"That's good. If they feel the need to speak to me, it's a heavy topic," She smiled again. "Let them know to just come and see me." I nodded and stood.

As I stepped into the corridor I noticed a tiny little girl I had never seen before. She looked how I felt. Completely lost. She saw me staring and perked up, as she bounced over I internally groaned.

"Hi!" She was too bubbly, how could anyone be this happy? "I'm Alice!"

"Bella," I gave her my half hearted smile, and she smiled brightly in return. She had black hair spiked up all over the place and beautiful big brown eyes. She was very pretty.

"Do you know where the biology lab is?" She smiled hopefully, this girl smiled way too much. Didn't her face hurt?

"Yeah I have bio now. I'll walk you." I walked over to my locker and grabbed my books. My mood lifted as I remembered that this was my only class with Jasper. Alice babbled about moving here from Florida. She couldn't believe how little the sun came out, and about her mum who was a surgeon who was working with Dr. Cullen. _Why did I offer to walk her?_

"Yeah, Mum and I have moved a fair bit since dad died, but that was years ago now. I still have to go to counselling; apparently I can't handle loss very well. Oh my, I'm sorry, I babble when I'm nervous." I wasn't sure what to say, it was such a bizarre situation.

"It's ok, I only moved here a couple of months ago, my mum died, too." I had meant to make her feel more relaxed, not burden her with my baggage. I gave her an apologetic smile. She took my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"I'm sorry to hear that Bella." She looked very upset. I shrugged as we walked into biology. I took my seat next to Angela Weber. She was a quiet girl, so we got along fine.

"Alright, since we have a new member of our class it is a good time to rearrange. I've had a request from a certain individual that they be removed from their current position in the class. So I've written up a new seating plan which I believe will benefit everyone." As I listened out for my name I noticed that long time couple Emmett and Rosalie had been placed apart from one another. They must have asked to be moved.

I listened as Alice was placed with Emmett. Although I'd never spoken to him before, I knew that he was extremely nice. I waited to hear who Jasper would be seated next to. That is until my name preceded his, my stomach fluttered as I gathered my things and sat next to him.

He spun around so he was facing me and gave me a huge smile. I couldn't help but return it, I had an, almost impossible to deny, desire to lean in and wrap my arms around him. I managed to control myself though; he'd just laugh at me anyway. "I see you've made friends with the new girl." He nodded his head in Alice's direction. I glanced over and saw that she was trying to make conversation with a very distracted looking Emmett.

"Yeah, I guess. Her name's Alice." I shrugged and opened up my notebook. Mr. Varner had left the classroom without me noticing, he was pushing the TV into the room as Jasper scooted his chair closer to mine.

"Wanna come over for dinner tonight?" My head nearly came off my shoulders with the force that I spun around to look at Jasper. He began to chuckle and I realised that my mouth was hanging open. He leaned forward and held me close as he whispered into my ear, "I want to be your friend, Bella. I like you." His lips came so close to my ear that I could feel his breathe. "Let me be your friend." I had begun to melt, I was incapable of speaking so I nodded my head slightly, which was a bad idea as it made his lips come into contact with the shell of my ear. My breath hitched in my throat as he lifted his head to remove himself from such close proximity, but this further increased the trouble I was having in focusing by causing his lips to drag along my ear.

A slight moan escaped my lips and even though I blushed as Jasper stared into my eyes I was glad only he could hear it. I could see nothing beyond his impossibly blue eyes. I felt the calmest I had been since hearing him sing in that dingy little cafe those few days before. He made me forget how miserable I was. If only he liked me the way I liked him, then maybe we could spend more time together.

He looked away as Mr. Varner requested our attention. I adjusted myself so that I could see the screen, I began to take notes. That is until I heard Jasper's seat scrape the floor, I glanced back to see what the hell he was doing. Until I realised just how close he was to me now. I spun my gaze back to the front of the room, I tried to concentrate but gave up when his hands were on my hips and he was pulling me back in my seat so that I was leaning against him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and dropped his head so that our cheeks were touching.

I gingerly placed my arms on his forearms, and once again I was taken aback as to how muscular he was. His appearance was deceiving, he seemed so thin and gangly, but he was muscled and strong. I nearly jumped out of my skin as his fingers began to dance at my sides, as if he wanted to lift my shirt but was afraid to.

We sat like that through the rest of the lesson; I was getting more and more flustered as time went on. _Does this mean he really likes me?_ I had no idea; maybe this was all wishful thinking. As I grabbed my things from the bench Alice bounced over, she looked even more cheerful.

"Hi Bella, is this your boyfriend?" She looked at Jasper expectantly. Who looked at me questioningly, and I'm sure I looked shocked.

"Um, no. Not my boyfriend. We're just friends, Alice." Jasper looked like he frowned for half a second. Alice looked a little confused but shrugged slightly.

"Would you like to sit with us at lunch Alice?" He extended his hand and Alice looked dazzled. She giggled slightly and I felt a surge of jealousy rush through me. _Ridiculous._

I turned to leave the room when I saw Edward leaning against the door frame smiling at me, I could tell he was waiting for me because he looked menacing. I looked down at the floor, hoping against hope that he wouldn't see me when I saw him shift out the corner of my eye.

"Hey Bella," I could tell that he was smirking from the tone of his voice. "I heard about what you did, cheer up emo kid." He chuckled at his own wit. I just stood, waiting, staring at the floor. I could hear Alice and Jasper chatting and walking towards us. I wished that I could disappear; I didn't want Jasper to see me being ridiculed. "You know, Swan, I even have a tip for you. Don't cross the road, go straight down it."

"You piece of shit." I heard Jasper growl and then the sound of a stool being knocked over. I looked up to see him punch Edward right in the face. "You absolute fuck head." Jasper grabbed him by the collar and pushed him onto the floor. "You don't speak to her; your skanks don't speak to her. She is ten times the person you will ever be." Jasper gestured for me to step over the glaring and bloody Edward. I could not help myself.

"Cullen, go fuck yourself."


	6. Lips of an Angel

"Suspension is so worth it mother." I was so happy. Joyful even. I could hear my mum calling up to me, more to herself than to me. She was angry at me, but proud at the same time. I had told her about Bella on Friday afternoon, after the bathroom incident. She had convinced me to go and visit her. Then this morning she'd asked me to invite Bella to dinner.

She was disappointed in my course of action, but proud that I'd stood up for what I believed in. She was convinced that Bella and I were dating. Nothing I said could persuade her otherwise. After hitting Edward which was the most satisfying thing I had ever done, I'd walked Bella and Alice to the cafeteria before going to the admin to turn myself in. I'd been sent home shortly after that. Not before making Bella promise to come to dinner.

As I walked into my bedroom I glanced over at my alarm clock. 4:30. I still had about an hour before I had to go and pick Bella up. I jumped in the shower and turned the heat all the way up. I couldn't get the girl out of my head. I had always thought that she was pretty, but now that I'd seen her smile, a real smile, I thought she was beautiful. I could get lost in her chocolate eyes. They looked like the strongest, richest of coffees.

My intentions toward her were suddenly changing from wanting to be her friend, to wanting to be far more than that. I knew I couldn't rush any of this though, she was emotionally unstable. She went from happy to completely miserable in seconds. Pushing my feelings onto her would probably make her feel even worse.

I threw on some black jeans and my old Ramones t-shirt before slipping on my chucks and heading over to the Swan's house. I was pulling up out the front when I realised Charlie's cruiser wasn't in its usual spot, I hoped that she had gotten in contact with him and was allowed to come over. I ran my hand through my hair as I stepped onto the porch, I was about to knock when the door flew open.

She stood there with a half smile on her face. She was wearing a midnight blue flowing halter-neck top and skin tight blue jeans. Her bandages were off and she'd thrown on possibly half a tonne of bracelets. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail; she'd brushed on some mascara. She looked beautiful.

She began to blush and I realised I was staring. I felt my own cheeks redden as I was caught, I dropped my gaze. "Hey Jazz." My head snapped up at the use of my nickname. I smiled, it was the first time she had said it. "Am I overdressed?" she looked down at herself.

"No, you're perfect." I smiled as she blushed once again. I held out my hand and she took it, I pulled her down the front steps and we jumped in the truck. It may have been my imagination, but I thought things seemed to be tense when we were sitting in the truck, neither of us spoke. I could feel her presence at my side; I could feel the heat radiating from her thigh right next to my hand. I could barely control the urge to put my hands on her again.

I hadn't been able to help myself in biology today; I was quickly becoming addicted to the girl. I felt the need to have her close all of the time. She was getting under my skin, and I liked it. I just didn't know how long I could control myself before I would do something that she wouldn't be ready for.

As we pulled into my driveway I groaned internally, my mum was waiting out the front for us, along with my dad and little brother. _Jeez, overkill mother. _I shook my head and glanced at Bella, she seemed even more nervous. I squeezed her hand and smiled encouragingly.

My mum stepped forward as we got out of the truck, I walked around to Bella's side and reached for her hand. She stood close by my side, and in some sick, twisted way it made me smile that she was using me to protect her.

"Hello Bella, my name's Deidre; this is my husband Peter, and Jasper's brother Joel." She gestured to everyone in turn then looked back to Bella.

"It's lovely to meet you all," she blushed once again and it made the corners of my mouth lift slightly. My dad nodded slightly and Joel waved.

"Come inside dear and Jasper can show you around." We followed her in and she told us that dinner would be ready in about thirty minutes. I led Bella into the lounge room and then the dining room. As we climbed the stairs so I could show her my room she spoke up.

"I didn't realise that you had a little brother. How old is he?" she was still holding my hand and I began to rub circles on her palm.

"He's ten. Old enough to be annoying," I laughed and she giggled. I showed her my parents' room, Joel's room, and then mine. "Here we are," I opened the door to my now ridiculously tidy bedroom.

"Wow, you really are a musician," she sounded as if she was in shock as she walked over to my keyboard and began to touch the keys.

"Yeah, I like to play. Its fun I suppose." I shrugged, I always felt vulnerable when people asked about my music. I had never played anyone an original.

"Do you think..." she stopped short. I knew what she was going to ask, I smiled. I walked over to her. She was facing me and I stopped right in front of her, I put my hands on her arms and ran them up and down, warming her.

"I'd love to play for you again, darlin'. How about after dinner?" She blushed and nodded. She quickly looked around my room again. I sat down on my bed as she inspected my posters, she looked around curiously and I observed her.

She was a beautiful creature, her forehead would crease in confusion when she didn't recognise a band, her hand would half lift toward each poster but she would drop it before she touched anything. It was then that I saw the cuts on her wrist. I could only see her right wrist clearly, I could see the cut that she'd made on Friday as it was scabbed over and sore looking, I could also see about five or six scars further up her arm. It was my turn to crease my forehead.

She was smiling as she turned to face me so I smoothed my face and returned the smile. She sat on the bed next to me; she was sitting on the edge, hands in her lap, back straight. I was leaning back on one elbow with my legs dangling over the edge. I pulled her back to lay with me. She was looking nervous again.

"Thanks Jazz," she smiled shyly. She wasn't exactly looking at me, more at my chin. I suddenly realised that we were in my room. On my bed. Alone. _Jesus._

"What for, darlin'?" I lifted her chin so she was looking my in the eyes. God she had beautiful eyes. I glanced down at her lips, I unconsciously licked my own. It wouldn't be so bad if i just leaned in and kissed her, would it? Friends could kiss friends, right? _Not the way you're thinking, Whitlock._ I wanted to reach across and pull her tightly to me, pressing my lips hard against hers, running my hands though her hair, i wanted to make her moan again.

"Being my friend and all that, you make me happy," she smiled as if to prove it. _Fuck, Whitlock, friends remember?_

"You make me happy, too." My mood had dropped, I had been thinking about kissing her. _What the hell is wrong with me? This girl trusts me!_ I lay down flat on my back and looked up at the ceiling.

_Ask her, ask her, ask her._

"Bella, I was wondering. What if..."

_Knock, knock._ "Dinner's ready, kids." I heard my dad on the other side of my door, perfect timing. I shook my head and reached for her hand as I stood. She looked at me questioningly, I shook my head. She squeezed my hand tight as we headed downstairs; I glanced up at her face. She seemed to be a lot happier.

We entered the dining room and I groaned out loud, Bella looked up at me with a confused expression. I just shook my head and held her chair out for her. I took my seat next to her. Joel was sitting across from Bella and my parents took their seats at either end of the table.

The table was full with plates of food. My mother tended to overdo it. There was corn, peas, mashed potato, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower, roast chicken with stuffing, and gravy. There was way too much food. Bella looked a little overwhelmed as my mother asked what vegetables she would like. I watched my father carve the chicken. I looked across at Joel who was staring at Bella.

"Bella?" He looked confused, his eyebrows pulled down and his mouth turned up on one side. Bella looked up and smiled at him.

"Yes, Joel?" She was starting to relax and I was glad that Joel had chosen that moment to begin his silly questions. That is until he asked his question.

"How did you get that nasty cut on your wrist?"


	7. Poetic Tragedy

"Joel!" Deidre dropped the serving spoon she was holding and glared at her youngest son. I had no idea what to say. I just stared at Joel who stared at me. "That was a very rude thing to say. Apologise to Bella."

"No its ok. I was doing something stupid Joel. But I promised someone I wouldn't do that again." He looked pleased with that answer. Peter was staring at me, well at my wrist more specifically. I put my hands in my lap, under the cover of the table. Jasper reached over and gripped my hand tightly. I smiled at him; I don't know how I survived without him.

"Oh, you'll get a cool scar Bella." I winced at that, but dismissed it as a little boy's interest in scabs and blood.

After that dinner progressed fairly uneventfully. Deidre chattered away about her paintings and about Jasper when he was young. As I was finishing my potato Jasper asked to be excused, I put down my fork and went to stand but he told me to stay where I was. I watched as he walked upstairs.

I helped Deidre clear the table while Peter and Joel went into the lounge room. I liked his family; they seemed so relaxed around one another. They didn't need to speak all the time; they just seemed comfortable in each other's company. We were packing the dishwasher when I heard the sounds of a guitar coming from the lounge room.

Deidre smiled at me. "It sounds like Jasper's going to play for us, go on in there honey." I smiled as her Texan accent came out. I walked into the lounge room to see Jazz sitting on the coffee table and Joel sitting at his feet. Jazz was strumming away and looked up as I walked into the room.

"I said I'd play for you." He smiled. Then his forehead creased. "Come on, mum!"

"I'm coming. Hold your horses." Deidre rushed in and took a seat next to Peter; I sat down on one of the recliners.

"Okay, this is Taylor Swift, but better." He smiled mischievously and winked at me. I felt the butterflies start up in my stomach again. As he began to play I realised it was 'Our Song'. Then he began to sing.

"She was riding shotgun with her hair undone, in the front seat of my car, I've got a one hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on her thigh" Deidre giggled at that.

"She looked around turned the radio down, I said 'baby is something wrong', She said 'nothing I was just thinking how we don't have a song', and I said 'Our song is the slam of Cullen bein floored" I began to laugh at that.

"Getting to class late, runnin fast coz you're slow, When we're in school and you walk real slow, Coz we're late and I don't want you to go, Our song is the way you laugh, The first date man I made her cry and I shouldn't have, And when I got her home fore I said goodbye, Whispered to her that I'd never make her cry', I was walkin up her front porch steps, After everything that day, Had gone perfect, left a smile on my face, gone just my way, I was well on my way to turnin shy, I almost didn't notice her perfect eyes" I blushed and smiled at the floor.

"And my lips just said 'Our song is the slam of Cullen bein floored, Getting to class late, runnin fast coz you're slow, When we're in at school and you walk real slow, Coz we're late and I don't want you to go, Our song is the way you laugh, The first date man I made her cry and I shouldn't have, And when I got her home fore I said goodbye, Whispered to her that I'd never make her cry', I've heard every sorrow, listened to the way she talks, Waitin for something to come along that would make me wanna walk" I couldn't believe what he was saying, it was sounding like he thought of us as more than just friends. I was getting confused.

"Our song is the slam of Cullen bein floored, Getting to class late, runnin fast coz you're slow, When we're in school and you walk real slow, Coz we're late and I don't want you to go, Our song is the way you laugh, The first date man I made her cry and I shouldn't have, And when I got her home fore I said goodbye, Whispered to her that I'd never make her cry, She was riding shotgun with her hair undone, In the front seat of my car, I grabbed her hand and pulled it to my heart, And felt the beating of our song" As he finished I stared at him completely confused but deliriously happy.

We clapped and Jazz stood and took a bow. Deidre was wiping tears from her eyes and Jasper rolled his own. "Mum, you always cry when I sing." Peter laughed.

"Yeah, I know. You amaze me that's all." She stood and hugged her son. Seeing this my heart tightened and I missed my own mother more than ever. I would never feel my mum's embrace again. I would never see her again. I felt tears well up and I excused myself. I walked quickly down the hall to the bathroom and locked myself in.

I sat on the edge of the bath and dropped my head into my hands. When would this pain fade? I sobbed into my hands and felt my chest tighten once again. I heard a knock on the door. I stood and splashed water on my face, it didn't help. I opened the door, Jazz stood there looking very worried. I almost laughed at the concern on his face.

"Are you okay, honey?" I loved the way that when his voice deepened his accent came out. I nodded and stepped out of the bathroom. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I nestled into the front of his shirt and clung to his arms. I was once again struck with how muscular he was.

"It just hits me sometimes that I'll never see her again." I sobbed slightly and he held me tighter against his chest. "I just feel so empty, like there's a part of me that's missing. I just feel tired, all the time. But I have to be ok, it my catchphrase, 'I'm fine'. I try so hard, but I can't see how I'm going to be ok. I feel like everything's changing around me. Nothing is the same, no one stays the same. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have no one. And the nightmares, I can barely sleep. I just..." I stopped short when I realised that I was rambling, that I'd given away more than I'd meant to.

"Baby, you have me. I'm here for you." I sighed, it wasn't the same. I couldn't just call him anytime to come over, we were barely friends.

"Yeah, I know." I sighed and pulled back. I looked up at his face and he looked so worried I just wanted to wipe the expression from his face. I shouldn't have put all this on him. Suddenly his face lit up.

"I think I have a way to help you sleep." He smiled brightly and pulled me down the hall.

"How?" I was interested, getting rid of my nightmares would be amazing; a good night's sleep would be amazing.

"I can't tell you, but you'll find out tonight." He winked at me as we entered the lounge room. Deidre looked concerned as we entered.

"I'm so sorry honey. Are you ok?" she walked over to us and pulled me into a hug.

"Yeah I'm alright. I'm sorry to be rude but I might go home." She nodded and gave me a parting hug.

"It was lovely to meet you, you're welcome any time." Peter nodded his agreement and shook my hand. Joel must have been in bed because he wasn't around as we left.

The drive back to my house was quiet but as we pulled into the driveway I spoke up. "How will I know this magical trick for sleeping?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"You'll know." He leant over and kissed my cheek. "Goodbye Bella."

"Night, Jazz." I walked slowly up to the front door and wished he didn't have to go. I didn't want to be on my own.


End file.
